Thursday, May 21, 2009

How Steve Perry Woos His Woman


I don't know if it's the rain outside, the Killian's in my belly, or the high I'm still on because of Glee, but I thought I'd take a romantical turn on tonight's post and describe how I would think Steve Perry would woo his woman. What, say you? You're thinking that's a great idea? Well, hop on board the Pleasure Express and we'll stop off in Fantasyville!

Okay, that last part sounded a bit kinky. But you know what I meant. Let's dream, shall we? (Insert Wayne's World daydream music)

First of all, it would be raining outside, and the main reason why it's raining is because 1) it's raining outside my apartment for real and 2) there's something romantic about rain. I could expound upon that last point, but that is another discussion altogether. It's raining. Done. You (for the woman in this little scenario is you because it makes this game much more fun) pull up in the driveway, get out of your car, and walk to the front door of his mansion and ring the bell. You're a ball of nerves: you're excited to be on a date with a legendary musician who has a head of the most gorgeous man-hair in existence, yet nervous as hell. Will my hair look like crap compared to his shiny locks? Does my outfit make me look like a chunky monkey or a sex goddess? Would asking him to sing a few Journey hits be weird? You ponder these questions, resisting the urge to bite your nails out of nervousness, when the door opens, and there stands Steve, all smiles. He's wearing black slacks and a plain white t-shirt and his hair is glowing. Glowing. Unfortunately, it does make your tresses look like they were manufactured at a shit factory, and you immediately feel self-conscious, silently cursing Pantene and their false advertisements.

But Steve knows what's up. He knows that love-making doesn't begin in the bedroom--it starts way before that. He's an old pro at this, and knows that a woman needs to feel confident about herself before she can let her guard down. So he looks you up and down in a not-creepy fashion, lingers on your eyes for a moment, lets out a breath, and says, "Damn, girl, I am one lucky man." He smiles reassuringly, lets you inside, and leads you to the couch, where he says to make yourself comfortable for a moment. He comes back a few minutes later with two glasses of white wine.

Now, Steve is a classy guy, and his opinion of what constitutes "the good shit" is not based on price, but on quality. So it's a safe bet that he will not be trying to serve you Arbor Mist (not trying to hate--I myself am a fan of The Mist--just saying). No, the wine in those glasses will be, at the very cheapest, from a $70 bottle. He might even up the ante and break out the Dom Perignon. He is also a master at setting the mood, so it's also a safe bet that he will probably have a jazz CD or Chicago on as background music. The music and wine, coupled with his easy-going manner, make you feel instantly relaxed, and you begin to open up and share. The conversation is flowing, and the sexual tension is mounting. You begin to not care whether you ever get to the dinner portion of the date.

Suddenly Steve puts down his glass and announces that he'll go get the food. Remember when I said that he was an old pro at wooing women? This proves it. He's serving oysters on the half-shell because he knows that oysters are aphrodisiacs, and you have to eat them with your hands, which will make the date all the more sensual. And he's serving a shit-ton of them.

Now, you've never eaten oysters before, and when you see the plate, you're a bit put off by their slimy nature and the fact that you have to suck them off the shell. That will not be sexy. In fact, you fear it will be the complete opposite and you'll come off as looking like a gluttonous buffoon. You might start to feel resentment--what the hell was he thinking when he chose this type of dinner?

But that just shows your inexperience, oh Unenlightened One. Steve knows how to sex up any occassion. He chuckles at your reluctance and assures you that you will enjoy the dinner. He picks up an oyster, puts a little Tobasco on it, and holds it up to your lips, telling you to suck. You tentatively dip your tongue into the goo and then just decide to go for it and suck it down. You're amazed. The oyster wasn't just good--it was like a culinary god was making love to your tastebuds. You relax, and begin to feel the effects of the aphrodisiac.

I'm going to stop there and let you flesh out the rest of this scenario in your mind. I know, I know, but this is a--well, I wouldn't call it a classy blog exactly, but I don't write no X-rated content. Finish it on your own, pervies.

17 comments:

  1. This is exactly how I imagined it would be. I savored every word!

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  2. Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  3. Steve is one smooth motha. Thought there should be a posted that recognized.

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  4. I like that Steve Perry is so empathetic to his lady's hair insecurities, and being plied with $70 wine is dreamy-perfect.

    I'll think about this post while I'm at the Journey concert tomorrow, and wish that SP was there.

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  5. LUCKY!! I keep checking to see if they maybe added tour dates for Tampa, but no luck. I saw them in concert back in '06 and they were awesome. I swear I was born at the wrong time. I would have LOVED to see them live during their heyday.

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  6. Journey in their prime must have been pretty mind-blowing. Unfortunately I failed to recognize their brilliance until two years ago. Lame!

    So you saw them with Augeri? Or was it Jeff Scott Soto?

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  7. It was with Soto, I believe, when they were on tour with Def Leppard. Still pretty good--he managed to sound hella similar to Steve Perry. What did kinda suck was that the crowd was SO MELLOW at first. Nobody was standing up and singing. We finally warned the people behind us that when they played Don't Stop Believin' we were going to stand up and jam. They were like, "We are too!" :-)

    Don't feel bad. I've liked a few Journey songs (Don't Stop Believin', Lights, Faithfully) since I was a kid, but I didn't really become a fan of theirs or whatever until a few years ago myself.

    Oh well--better late than never!

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  8. Woo-eee! That was one spicy oyster!

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  9. They actually are. I have Take Home Chef to thank for that little tidbit. :-)

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  10. Loved the story and actually love oysters! I did see Journey in their heyday (three times) and once on the front row. Steve was (and is) the most gorgeous man on the planet. I got to see him wearing the yellow leopard print shirt with that gorgeous long hair - sorry, I need a minute. Thanks for the great story - you have a gift with words!

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  11. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Michelle. And can I say I am SO JEALOUS you got to see them live during their heyday (three times, no less!)? I saw them live a few years ago when they toured with Def Leppard and it was a good show, but I imagine it was NOTHING like how it was with Steve.

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  12. Good read. I'm fairly new to Steve Perry. I've heard Journey's music many times over on the radio, but never really looked into who they were. Well since "discovering" Steve a few weeks ago, I've been devouring every bit of information, fan fic and music I can find and loving EVERY minute of it. A lot of the sites i've been visiting have been older (so I started yet another Steve site) Writing fan fic is my passion (I have another muse) but Steve is my newest one.

    Hope I don't offend on step on any ones toes, but if anyone is interested please pop over to my site.

    ~~fair warning~~ my fan fic NC-17

    http://steveperryfoolish-heart.webs.com/

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  13. LMarbly is that u? I love ur site! Its really good.

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  14. the day begins, I have been invited to one of many of his thresh holds. id pick the city, the rainy days are quite beautiful, fun and even sexy if you have another hand to hold. id take a fast walk to his door, stand outside for a minute; grab my mirror reassure myself I look fine only my long hair is wet, a bit mussed, but to me wet hair is sexy and it attracts a mans attention, he may remark on the way it looks, offer to get u a towel or even help dry it for you.by that time you seem to be past the point of passing out, and he offers u a glass of wine, your having a nice discussion and u have a little bit of guts to ask him to sing a bit, im sure hed be offended if u didn't and id be stupid/ he mentions dinner, only he brings it out to where we were sitting, I smile,as I look directly into his eyes. he looks a bit flustered, but he bends towards me and offers me the aphrodisiac, again I smile, I grab his hand as if he were feeding it to me, and I do the same for him. I stand up walk away towards a large window and ask him how this invite came about, he too get up, walks towards me, lifts up his glass and gestures me to do the same, we toast eachother and he tells me hes never really been undisturbed and with a lady that wants to get to know him for himself.i told him I understood and crazily within myself I told him I had a very special day with him and I would love to see him again, again directly into his eyes I told him warmly if ever there was a man so special to me, it would be you.id love to see you again Stephen, I took my leave shut the door behind me, hurried to my car, I saw him in his window and I waved ,I felt small tears falling from my eyes, and I could feel his presence in my heart.I heard myself saying over and over again, if only wecould be with eachother again, Love Sherry Lee stellaperry192@gmail.com

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  15. STEVE PERRY I NOT SURE IF HE HAS EVER BEEN OUT WITH ANYONE THAT WASNT AVERAGE

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  16. thrilled to see him thesanfransico base ball series and to see he traveled Kansas city to see the royals he will always have a special place in my heart I only listen to his tracks from journey from Kansas mo home girl sending much good wishes and happinessbarbara

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