Monday, May 4, 2009

What Would Happen if Steve Perry Crashed Karaoke Night?

First off, it would be awesome. In fact, if a genie were to pop up out of nowhere and offer to grant me three wishes, I would use one of them to be Steve Perry just so I could crash a karaoke bar. Talk about an epic night...*insert Wayne's World daydream sequence music here*

Okay, so you're at the bar, throwing back a beer with your friends. You just finished a rendition of "...Baby One More Time" and are eagerly waiting to go back onstage to follow with "Baby Got Back." Then the karaoke DJ announces that they have a new singer named Steve. No last name, just Steve. (Or, if SP really wanted to throw us off-track, he could use a totally random name like Carl.) A guy about average height and build comes up onstage. He's wearing a baseball cap (because all celebrities treat the baseball cap like Clark Kent treats his glasses; the only barrier that's protecting them from notoriety), leather jacket, white shirt and jeans (just because). He clears his throat and the DJ says that Steve (or Carl) is going to do a little Journey tonight. Don't Stop Believin'. That automatically gets cheers from the drunken crowd because how can you not like Journey, that song in particular? Steve (or Carl) clears his throat, the DJ hits the play button on the karaoke machine, and everybody waits in breathless anticipation.

Steve (or Carl) is good. No, not good. Great. Amazing. Fantastic. Like a friggin' angel. You, your friends, and everybody else in the crowd starts automatically cheering and rocking out. Somebody yells out, "Journey is the fuckin' shit, man!" Then you stop. You listen. Something sounds familiar. All of a sudden it hits you like a ton of bricks: Steve (or Carl) sounds just like Steve Perry! You immediately tell this to your friends, all of whom stop to listen. One by one, their heads begin nodding in agreement. There is frantic whispering. Could it be? Is this just a weird coincidence? Then the friend that is always the voice of reason snaps you all out of it with, "That cannot be Steve Perry. Do you honestly think that Steve Perry would waste his time singing Journey songs at a karoke bar?" The spell is broken. Of course not; you guys just let your imaginations get the better of you. Steve (or Carl) just happens to have an amazingly good voice like Steve Perry. You guys resume rocking out until the song ends, thinking that you just got treated to a private Journey show. You are pumped and ready for Steve (or Carl) to do an encore. But instead of regaling the crowd with another Journey tune, Steve (or Carl) bows slightly and silently walks offstage and out of the bar. The crowd is momentarily bummed out but soon forgets it as another round of drinks are purchased and a Rod Stewart wannabe starts singing, "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?"

Little do you know, however, that your instincts were right. That was Steve Perry who sang "Don't Stop Believin'." The same Steve Perry who left the bar, hopped in his Porsche and is now in his hotel room (or house, if the karaoke bar was local), pouring himself a scotch on the rocks and chuckling to himself. Thinking, if they only knew. Thinking what a rush it was to sing in front of a live audience again. He opens up his laptop and maps out the next closest karaoke bar for a repeat performance the next night and sighs contentedly.

I don't think Steve Perry knows this blog exists, but on the off-chance he stumbles upon it, I'm just putting it out there: please crash a karaoke bar. That would be so amazingly epic. And if you find yourself in the Tampa Bay area, let me know so we can do a duet together.


  1. An alternate ending could also be you defy your friend of reasoning and go chase after Steve (or Carl). You catch up with him, see that it is indeed Steve Perry, and offer to buy him dinner at Steak n' Shake. You two have a lovely meal in which he tells you stories about when he was with Journey and what he's been up to lately. You guys establish a friendship, exchange phone numbers and hang out quite often. :-)

  2. "leather jacket, white shirt and jeans"

    He's Fonzie!

    Your fantasy might come true, I hear that SP gets up and sings once in a while at the Baked Potato in Studio City.

  3. LOL. As soon as I wrote that, I was thinking that I just described a greaser--or Fonzie. But I can't think of another outfit more suitable! Maybe a denim jacket instead of a leather one?

    And is that true about the Baked Potato? Because if so, that is hella cool.

  4. Yeah, he sang at the Baked Potato sometime around Super Bowl Sunday. It's kind of a "smooth jazz" place, so I guess he was singing with the Kenny G-types.

    There are a ton of Karaoke bars/restaurants in the Studio City/Burbank area. I wonder if it has ever crossed his mind.

  5. I don't know. I would hope so. Even if he's never acted on it, I would hope that he would entertain the idea. How could you not?

  6. Interesting. However, I'd nix the Steak 'N Shake. Steve's a vegetarian.