Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Crotch Shot of the Day!

"You should've been gone!" Well. I think we know why Sherrie stayed in that relationship for as long as she did. Thing's as big as a midget's arm. Damn.

And just for funsies, here's the accompanying video. It's one of my personal favorites, NOT because of the crotch shots, but because of the delightful eighties cheese factor. It's my second favorite eighties vid that features tacky medieval imagery.

*"Oh Sherrie" schlong pic submitted by Ohthatdeb.

Fact or Fiction?

The song "Afternoon Delight" is about having sex in the afternoon.

Partial fact: The song "Afternoon Delight" is about having sex in the afternoon with Steve Perry. It was so good, it spawned a song which has been featured in Arrested Development and Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy among other programs.

Sky rockets in flight takes on a whole new meaning, doesn't it?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I Have No Words

I have no words to describe the sheer majesty of this photo (which can be found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/9061703@N03/4038540010/ btw). The caption that goes along with it reads, "This is the kind of thing that comes up at the day job- what would happen if a giant Steve Perry Robot attacked the West Seattle Bridge?"

I don't think I (or anybody else, for that matter) could add anything to this. A giant Steve Perry robot attacking Seattle? That's pretty amazing in and of itself.

Friday, October 23, 2009

New Blog Alert!

Don't get your pantalones in an unsightly wad, I'm not cancelling this blog. Are you kidding me? I'm having too much fun being ridiculous to cancel it! However, I have started a new blog, posting about my life and shit. The tone is going to be in keeping with the tone of this blog, sarcastic and (hopefully) funny, and it'll just be about what's going on in my life, anecdotes, observations, what-have-you.

So check it out. You may or may not give a crap, but if you like it, that's cool. If not, I hope you're still enjoying the Steve Perry majesty on this blog.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Crotch

Steve Perry's nickname may be The Voice, but one could argue that it could also be The Crotch. In case you haven't noticed (and you have noticed, don't even play like you haven't), Steve was fond of some shockingly tight pants back in his Journey days. Seriously, every time I look at photos where he's sporting nut-cruncher after nut-cruncher, I feel like a notice will pop up at any moment, asking me to pay a fee. Because even though he's fully clothed, his choice of bottoms more than adequately show off his, um, personal area, if you know what I mean. You know what I'm talking about? His "down there" business. His pelvic region. His penis, okay? I'm talking about his penis.

Now you would think that since Steve's slacks played such a prominent role in his career, they would have played an equally prominent role in this blog. Well, I hate to break it to you , but your humble narrator is sometimes oblivious to things and once in awhile needs a swift kick to the behind in order to wake up. I'm only human, after all. But my lovely reader Ohthatdeb got me in gear by kindly suggesting an idea for a new blog feature (and she didn't even need to kick me, switfly or otherwise--she's that good). So it is with great pleasure I announce Crotch Shot of the Day. It's pretty self-explanatory, but in case you need a little extra help, it means that I will post pictures of the ensembles that best show off Steve's family jewels. Consider it a hall of fame of his crotch, if you will. And for the first entry, I thought this little number would be appropriate (again, submitted by Ohthatdeb):

Ta-da! Now I'm no anthropologist, but something tells me that such a blatant display of both Steve and Neal's disco sticks is probably a primal form of peacocking--maybe they're subconsciously channeling an animal that flashes his dick in order to get mates, I don't know. What I do know is that both are out there, daring the world to look and admire. And that what Neal's sporting may not be legal.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hump Day Magic

It's Hump Day. You're caught somewhere between, "It's almost the weekend!" and, "My god, two days left of work!" It is this day that people look to time-honored traditions--drinking, either alone or with a group--to get them through the rest of the work week. So I wanted to do my part and post a little something magical and awe-inspiring that might make you forget, if only for a moment, that it's only Wednesday. And what could be more magical or awe-inspiring than Steve Perry and a mythical animal? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Steve Perry and a unicorn:

Happy Hump Day.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Don't Fuck Wit Steve Pt. 2

The previous post was my attempt at intimidation. I wanted to disturb you, to make you quiver in your boots, so that you will take what you're about to read as nothing short of God's honest truth. So now that you're good and terrified, let us begin.

We all know Steve is a badass. However, very few of us (and by that I mean only me) know just how much of a badass Steve truly is. Believe it or not, luscious shiny man-hair, wrinkle-free sun-kissed skin and a voice that could make Joan Rivers cry (have you seen her face? NOT an easy feat) does not make someone a badass. Well, what does? you may be wondering. And I'll tell you: being able to crush a man with your bare hands.

Little-known fact: Steve Perry was trained in the martial arts by Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan AND Chuck Norris. He was trained in boxing by Mr. Rocky himself, Sylvester Stallone. And he opted to stay a month in a maximum security prison ward, just because. The result? He can round-house kick you in the face, feed you a sucker punch before you knew what hit you, and shiv your ass with nothing but a Q-Tip and a paper clip--with lethal results.

My point? Don't fuck with Steve, okay? Just leave the man alone. Nobody has ever been able to say, "I took on Steve Perry and lived to tell about it." Food for thought.

Don't Fuck Wit Steve

'Cause he will cut you. Let me reemphasize: HE. WILL. CUT. YOU. Look hard into those eyes. Are those the eyes of somebody you would want to piss off? I didn't think so.
On another completely non-related note, how great does his skin look? Seriously, his complexion is rockin' for a man his age. Maybe he should strike up a deal with Clinique for a unisex skin care line.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Housekeeping Bidness

I'm just going to briefly interrupt the Steve Perry goodness with a few houskeeping announcements.

First, I added a search feature right at the top of the blog. If you want to look up a specific post or whatever, just type in a keyword or phrase and you're good to go. There's also a "share it" widget in case anyone just loves a post so much, they want to shout it from the rooftops...er, the virtual rooftops of the internet.

And the addition I'm really pleased about: a contact widget, located underneath the "about me" section. As always, you are welcome to leave comments on specific posts, but if you'd like to contact me directly about anything you see on here, have any questions, or simply want to say hey, click on the button and type in your message. I love communicating with my readers and hearing feedback, so don't be shy! I don't bite--hard.

And finally--I doubt anyone who reads this cares about any of this, but I do like to flatter myself from time to time. So please indulge my delusion. ;-)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Ol' Boy's Still Got It

Every once in awhile I like to post more current pictures of Steve, just so the doubters out there can plainly see that yes, the ol' boy's still got it. The above picture was sent in to me by an awesome reader. As you can see, Steve is trying to keep his primal sensuality (and that glorious man-hair!) on the down-low, but it still shines through. Ain't no putting a damper on that.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Fact or Fiction?

Steve Perry is susceptible to depression.

Fiction. The only two moods Steve Perry is capable of are drop 'dem panties and badass.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Seeing Double!

It's just another lazy Sunday morning. I'm searching the phrase, "Allison walking on sunshine" on YouTube, and I run across this clip. Does the kid at the beginning look familiar? Yes, I know he looks like he should be on a Disney Channel television show, but that's not what I'm talking about. Try to get past that. Does he maybe bear a striking resemblance to a certain former Journey front man?

I thought so. That kid looks like Steve Perry with an emo version of his hairstyle circa the Raised on Radio days. As I was watching that clip, I kept picturing the "Separate Ways" video with this kid's head superimposed on Steve Perry's body, and you know what? It worked!! Once he kicks his heroin habit for good, I think he should consider a career in a Journey cover band.

And on a totally unrelated note, that doctor is scrumdidlyumptious. I wish my doctor looked like that.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Chillaxin' With Steve

When I imagine Steve relaxing after a long day of Perry-ing it up and generally just being awesome, I picture him kicking back on his front porch with a cigar in one hand and a glass of high-quality scotch in the other. The cigar would be Cuban, of course, as Steve only demands (and rightly deserves) the best; the scotch would be a Macallan 25 Year single malt. Now before you get to thinking of Steve as a yuppie and your opinion of him goes down the shitter, let me say: Steve Perry is no yuppie. Sure, he does like the finer things in life, like top-of-the-line alcohol and smokes, but he can also party it up like a redneck eighteen year-old with a fake I.D. Trust me, Johnnie Walker and Pabst Blue Ribbon share shelf space with the Macallan. It's all good.

I also imagine Steve wearing a red silk monogrammed robe. Yeah, it's a little Hugh Hefner, but unlike Hugh, Steve can actually pull it off and not make you throw up in your mouth. In fact, he does more than just pull it off: he looks like a fucking bad-ass. I mean, picture it: that shiny, gorgeous man-hair silhouetted against dark red silk. Manly and picturesque, right? You bet your sweet ass it is.

You might have noticed the absence of a lady friend, and you would be correct. No, Steve is not going through a period of loneliness. It's just that when he relaxes, he prefers not to have any distractions, and that includes women folk. It's one hundred percent pure man time. Or rather, one hundred percent pure Steve time.

We should all take a page from Steve's book. I mean, if numbing yourself with booze and nicotine isn't relaxing, then ya got me. Am I right, or am I right?