Monday, October 19, 2009

Don't Fuck Wit Steve Pt. 2

The previous post was my attempt at intimidation. I wanted to disturb you, to make you quiver in your boots, so that you will take what you're about to read as nothing short of God's honest truth. So now that you're good and terrified, let us begin.

We all know Steve is a badass. However, very few of us (and by that I mean only me) know just how much of a badass Steve truly is. Believe it or not, luscious shiny man-hair, wrinkle-free sun-kissed skin and a voice that could make Joan Rivers cry (have you seen her face? NOT an easy feat) does not make someone a badass. Well, what does? you may be wondering. And I'll tell you: being able to crush a man with your bare hands.

Little-known fact: Steve Perry was trained in the martial arts by Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan AND Chuck Norris. He was trained in boxing by Mr. Rocky himself, Sylvester Stallone. And he opted to stay a month in a maximum security prison ward, just because. The result? He can round-house kick you in the face, feed you a sucker punch before you knew what hit you, and shiv your ass with nothing but a Q-Tip and a paper clip--with lethal results.

My point? Don't fuck with Steve, okay? Just leave the man alone. Nobody has ever been able to say, "I took on Steve Perry and lived to tell about it." Food for thought.

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