Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Steve Perry's Diet

Any fan of Steve Perry's will at some point find their mind wandering about what he does on a daily basis: what does he eat? When does he sleep? Does he like his food touching? How does he make love? Is that marvelous man-hair really genetic or does he use something special on it?

Okay, first thing's first: if you've read this blog--at all--and are still wondering about why his man-hair is so gorgeous, just save yourself some embarrassment and leave now. Steve Perry's man-hair looks like it does because he's Steve Perry, alright? There's nothing you, or I, or Paul Mitchell can do to make our hair sparkle with just a fraction of the radiance of Steve Perry's. It is what it is. Deal with it.

However, I can shine some light on Perry's diet. Quite simply, Steve Perry eats whatever the hell he wants. His genetics (him being Portuguese and Steve Perry) are such that they practically make him a god here on Earth. He always sports a natural sun-kissed tan, even in winter; as mentioned before his man-hair is incomparable; his teeth are always white; and his physique is already perfect. Unlike the rest of us mere mortals, Steve doesn't have to worry about things such as transfats and bad cholesterol--they have absolutely no effect on him whatsoever. In fact, he could chow down on nothing but Country Crock, Crisco and powdered sugar and his body would still have no fat and perfect muscle tone.

Bet this bit o' info makes you want to kill yourself, don't it? I know, I know. Me too. It's almost not fair. Steve gets to enjoy the nectar of the gods (i.e. all the junk food ever invented ever) and the rest of us have to moan, groan and sweat our asses off on the treadmill if we so much as look at a doughnut. But, like Steve's man-hair, it is what it is. We just have to deal with it and continue to count our calories.

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