Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Neck

First off, how fucking cool is this picture? I do believe that this is my favorite photo of Steve Perry. He looks like he should be in an 80s punk rock English band or something. Such a neat vintage rock photo. But I digress, for that is not the reason for this post. What I am about to discuss is Steve Perry's neck.

To be fair, I never noticed just how long Steve's neck was until Ohthatdeb mentioned it in a few of her comments, and now whenever I see a picture of him, that's the first thing I look at (no, seriously). The man has a long-ass neck. And I can't help but wonder: why is it that big? And okay, smart ass, I know that it houses his vocal chords and helps him sing and swallow and all that good stuff. Doi. But so do the rest of our necks, and ours aren't nearly as long or as majestic as Steve's. So what gives?

Here's my theory: Steve Perry's neck is evolution's way of saying, "This man's voice will knock your socks off, so recognize and respect." The packaging of Steve's power--his vocal chords--is obvious so that anybody who comes across him will immediately know that he is more special than any other human being on Earth and to treat him as such. Also, Steve Perry's vocal chords are double the length of ordinary ones--how else can you explain his magnificent range?--and made of platinum. No shit. So they need to be housed in something that's just a teensy bit different than the run-of-the-mill models currently on the market. Basically, it boils down to this: Special vocal chords=Better packaging. Hey, it might not be fair--I'd like a long, sexy neck--but I didn't design Steve Perry's anatomy. Take it up with Mother Nature if you have a problem, k?

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