Thursday, February 25, 2010

He'll Make You an Offer You Can't Refuse

Word up, kidz, are you ready for another little-known fun factoid about our favorite former Journey frontman? How about if I promise never to use the phrase, "Word up, kidz" ever again? Okay, deal.

As you know (or probably not), I have posted several entries about Steve Perry's ability to fuck bitches up (see here and here). But what you don't know is that this power extends to a depth you can't even begin to imagine--until now. "Okay, SVB, what kind of crap are you spouting off now?" you may be asking yourself. Let's just say that if Steve ever makes you an offer, you can't refuse it, lest you want to sleep with the fishes. If you know what I mean. You get what I'm saying, right? RIGHT?!

Steve Perry is an Italian mafia boss.

I'm not shitting you! Calling out members of the Italian mob is not something you do willy-nilly. Steve Perry is wrapped up all in the mob. He is the head of his Family's chain of command, ruling over henchmen and making sure all of his cover businesses--Blockbuster Video and Subway franchises--are operating under the radar, smooth and seamless.

Look, I know he's not Italian, but when has Steve Perry ever needed an excuse to do something? The man does what he damn well pleases and woe to the poor sap who tries to get in his way. It's no secret that several of his "sandwich artists" have mysteriously disappeared because he discovered their plans to overthrow his empire and claim the power for themselves.

Don't misunderstand me--Steve isn't a bloodthirsty man. He prefers to keep the peace and make love instead of war. But when provoked, when he's forced to take action or stand by, you better believe that he will utilize the hell out of his iron fist.

Just take my word for it, okay? Don't find out the hard way that Steve Perry will fuck you up.

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