Hey guys, remember back when I was all about Steve Perry and Neal Schon having a secret bromance and that their "fight" was nothing but a publicity stunt? (See also here and here.) Remember how I also said that after posting that trifecta of IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE I would shut my yap about the subject once and for all? Boy, that sure was funny, right? Good times, yes? And you really didn't want me to shut my yap about it, right? You enjoyed my conspiracy theory, right?
I knew you would. Which is why I'm flappin' my gums about it yet again. You're welcome.
What if Steve and Neal's friendship turned out to be more than just platonic man-love? What if they took their relationship to the next level? You know what I'm talkin' 'bout. I'm talkin' 'bout l-o-v-e. Luurve. Man-love of the non-platonic variety. What if Steve and Neal got all romantical on us? Personally, I think it would be the single greatest love story of our time. It would rival the likes of The Notebook. Love Story. Sleepless in Seattle. Except it would be REAL. Doesn't that concept just blow your frigging mind? Now imagine them taking it to the next step and getting MARRIED. Woah. Just--woah. Their wedding would rival the late Princess Diana's in popularity and overall awesomeness. In fact, I think Steve would grow out his man-hair and don that red flowy blouse he wore in the "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" video just for the occasion. At the reception, he'd serenade Neal with a tearful and particularly touching rendition of "Missing You." The cast of Glee would be the main entertainment. Elton John would have to rewrite "Candle in the Wind" yet again. And yeah, smartasses, I know "Candle in the Wind"--both versions--are about people who have died. But Elton would rewrite it so that the song would accurately reflect the occasion--Neal and Steve's love.
Now just hold up and relax, all you women who harbor fantasies about being Steve Perry's single greatest love in the history of the universe! I'm not saying Steve's gay. I'm just saying that he might be a little gay for Neal. And if he was, would you be able to live with yourself if you prevented such an awesome union from forming? You wouldn't. Because that would make you an asshole. And anybody who is a fan, lover, wannabe lover, or friend of Steve Perry is most certainly not an asshole, am I right? You are just too awesome for that. Besides, look at Steve's face in that picture, at how his eyes are pleading with you to just let it happen--how could you ever deny that?