Monday, September 13, 2010

Don't Make Steve Perry Angry

You wouldn't like him when he's angry. In addition to people talking shit about his mom, the thing Steve hates the most in this world are when so-called Journey fans fail to list Journey or a Journey album on a "favorites" list. It doesn't even have to be an official "favorites" list, like those found on VH1; you could simply be shooting the shit with your friends, or sending out a fun email list to co-workers. But if you're a Journey fan, and don't include Journey on your list, you will anger Steve Perry. Folks, when Steve gets angry, like really angry, you have reason to be afraid. It is literally a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformation. When Steve gets wind of a Journey fan failing to give Journey any sort of respect or mention, he will hunt them down and fuck them up. And not in a sexual way. There have been reports where victims of his wrath have been left blind and their hair transformed into something that Don King would sport. It's not pretty, okay?

I have to confess something to you guys. I am scared. Brett, a good friend of mine, recently posted a "15 Albums" list on Facebook, and he forgot to include to Journey in the 15. This is big-time, serious stuff, people! I am terrified that Steve Perry is going to visit him at some point in the next 24-48 hours and fuck him up (let me repeat: NOT in a sexual way)! I'm also kind of jealous that he'll get to meet Steve Perry, but it's a small amount in comparison to my terror. You could say the ratio of my terror to my jealousy is 90:10. Okay, more like 80:20, but still. I'm more terrified than jealous. If Brett comes out of this with only a Don King hair makeover, he should consider himself lucky. I doubt it, though. I'll keep you guys updated as to whether or not he's still alive.

P.S. He's still alive--for now.
P.P.S. I just realized something else! My friend David forgot to include Journey on his "15 Albums" list, too! Crap. Shit just got real.



    Except Steve Perry.

  2. Nice tip of the hat to Tourette's Guy. Let's hope Steve will find it just as amusing and spare your life.

  3. Um...what if I don't really consider myself a journey fan. Oh no I didn't!

  4. "Snook up behind him and took his Favorite-Albums-List-Without-Journey. He said something about making a Favorite-Albums-List-Without-Journey, I said 'Dude, you HAVE no Favorite-Albums-List-Without-Journey' and ran away."

    The upside is that the Favorite-Albums-List-Absent-Journey thief was a UU (The One True Faith!) which means that rather than burning the Favorite-Albums-List-Without-Journey, he just added Frontiers to the Favorite-Albums-List-Without-Journey and handed it over to Fan Asylum.