Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Steve Perry At a Baseball Game

Starting tomorrow, I will be going out of town for a week, and when I come back, I will hopefully have a surprise for the blog. In the meantime, I will post a pic that's been floating around all over the interwebs. You guys have probably seen it by now, but I don't care.

Pictured: Steve Perry enjoying him some San Francisco Giants baseball while talking the ear off of the person next to him who clearly doesn't give a crap and oblivious to the kid on his other side with the creepy hand sticking out of his baseball mitt. First of all, what the fuck is up with that kid's baseball mitt? I know it's a fake hand (if it is indeed a hand), but still, what is the point of owning a mitt with a hand already inside of it? And the hand isn't even in the right way! At first I was creeped out, but the more I fixate on the pointlessness of that getup, the more annoyed I become. I mean, seriously, whose bright idea was it to construct a baseball glove with a hand already inside and inside the wrong way? And who would buy such a thing? Stupid world, I tell ya.

Secondly, the person who Steve is talking to better recognize. Steve is clearly an engaged and active participant in the conversation, and the other person looks like he's thinking, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut yer trap, Ponytail Boy, and let me enjoy my beer and baseball in peace and frigging QUIET!" Does that person know that he is being graced by the one, the only, the GREAT Steve Perry? The man who can give PIOs to the entire United States of America simultaneously while eating a Stouffer's macaroni and cheese frozen dinner?
The man Obama admits to having had a sex dream about without reservation?* That Steve Perry?! That person should be praising God on high that Steve decided to spend a few moments of his precious time on him! Steve could be doing a lot more fun and important things like saving pandas and winning Rubik's Cube contests, but he chose instead to kindly give that person the gift of his company and conversation. And that person doesn't even appreciate it.

Thirdly, what you don't see is that this is actually a picture of Steve being a complete and total badass. Don't believe me? Look at where his seats are. They're okay, but they're not the greatest seats in the stadium. If he wanted to, Steve Perry probably could have gotten a seat in the damn dugout with the team, but he opted out of using his celebrity to get sweet seats and instead chose to watch the game with the rest of the plebes. It's been reported that he even sang along with "Don't Stop Believin'!" Wait, what's that you said? Can you repeat it, please? I can't hear you over the sound of Steve Perry's AWESOMENESS.

*not really


  1. The reason the person sitting beside Steve doesn't appear to be listening to him is because he is both deaf and blind. Why would a deaf and blind person go to a baseball game you ask? Well, a little known fact about Steve Perry is that his voice is so powerful it can be heard by the deaf. And since the Ever-Believing one has charity in measures only second to his awesomeness, he uses this power to take those without sight and hearing to events they would otherwise be unable to enjoy(i.e. Baseball games), where he proceeds to describe said event in beautiful melodic detail. This experience is vastly superior to the bland interpretation the poor sighted receive upon obseving this same event with their own boring, unintuative eyes. So much so that there have been reports of people permanently damaging their sight and hearing for merely the opportunity to be graced by Steve Perry in this way, because lets face it...you don't know what you're missing until Steve Perry tells you what's there.

  2. David, your comment is actually better than this post and had me laughing for awhile! "You don't know what you're missing until Steve Perry tells you what's there" NEEDS to be on a shirt. That's the best line ever.

  3. LOVE this!! Cleverest writing I've seen in a while, and the fact that it is all about my favorite performer of all time is priceless...Hope you plan a career in professional writing-success is guaranteed.

  4. Leah, your comment made my day! Thank you very much! :-)

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