Hey, you! How was your Thanksgiving? Did you eat lots of turkey? Go overboard on the pumpkin pie? Drink copious amounts of liquor and do a ton of blow, causing you to pass out in a dumpster ten miles from where you live, where you wake up and realize that your pants are missing and someone named Bessie wrote her phone number on your hand? No? Oh well. There's always next year.
Anyway, I thought, what better way to welcome you back from the holiday weekend than with a picture that showcases Steve Perry's schlong? Consider this my belated Thanksgiving gift to you. You're welcome.
Bonus points for this picture being somewhat in the spirit of the holiday season and showcasing those incredibly loud red pants, which are housing incredibly long Lil' Steve! It looks like Steve is saying to someone off-camera, "Yo. What up? What did you say about my dance? Oh, my pants! Yeah, they're great, aren't they? Check it: on sale at Penney's for $15! Sure, I can't feel anything from the waist down, since the only size they had left was two sizes smaller than what I should wear, but, Jesus, what a deal!"
I don't know how he was able to breathe, or sing, or do anything other than cry out in extreme discomfort in these slacks, but then again, Steve Perry is magical and can pretty much do anything that would make lesser men throw in the towel. Also, his bad ass factor is upped to infinity with the addition of that fly-as-shit white coat. Take a long look, kids. You're staring at sheer perfection.