Friday, August 20, 2010

Farewell, Sweet Summer

So as we're enjoying these last fleeting weeks of sweet, sweet summer and getting ready to usher in the fall, there's probably one burning question on everyone's minds: how did Steve Perry spend his summer?

The short answer is, he spent it being way more awesome than you. That is not intended to hurt your feelings; it is simply a cold, hard fact. The long answer is thus:

Steve Perry's summer was way better than yours. If you could combine ten of your most awesome summers with a Snoop Dogg music video and sprinkle in a generous helping of LSD, it still would not compare to even a day of Steve Perry's summer. Steve kicked off the season with a trip to the wilds of Africa in which he wrestled a pack of lions--for fun. He then went on to be honored as chief of a remote African tribe, nursed an orphaned tiger cub (yes, you read that right) and did, in fact, trip on a bit of LSD under the wide open African night sky in which the stars twinkled like diamonds. When he got back stateside, he took a few ladies up to his love lair, held his annual Fourth of July bash, rehabilitated a handicapped baby dolphin (which now resides in his personal aquarium, by the way--its name is Sherrie) and saw Journey live in concert, just to see if he was missing anything (he wasn't). Oh, and he also experienced ten of your most awesome summers combined, made a cameo in a Snoop Dogg music video and did another round of LSD. With Snoop Dogg. And Sherrie. The baby dolphin, not Sherrie Swafford.

So...what did you do this summer?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Fact or Fiction?

Ashton Kutcher started the trucker hat trend.

Nope. Wrong. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Unless you're blind (in which case, what are you doing on a computer and how the hell did you get here?!), you can clearly see in the above picture that it was Steve Perry who made the trucker hat cool long before Mr. Demi Moore. Which, considering that Steve is the ambassador of all things cool, trendy, hip, bad ass and lame things which he makes cool, trendy, hip, and bad ass, it's no big surprise. Ashton's foray into trucker hats was just a pathetic attempt to emulate something Steve Perry did, and considering how awesome this photo is just makes Ashton's attempt look like that time America tried to bring "Coupling" to its audiences and failed miserably.

P.S. Screen cap provided by the lovely Lara Hartley.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Talkin' 'Bout Man-Hair

Honestly, I can't say anything that hasn't already been said about Steve Perry's man-hair, but when I saw this photo, I thought, Day-um! I do believe this might be one of the best photos that show off the 'ol mane--and I think Steve knows it too. Just look at his face. It says, "Yes, you are staring at perfection. God, it's good to be me." Bastard.

Let's all take a few moments to admire these gorgeous tresses and curse our crap hair. Because no matter how much we wash it, no matter how many fine products we put it in it, it will indeed look like crap next to Steve Perry's.