Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Steve Perry Video of the Day

I think I'm going to make this a regular feature on LOMFON. I mean, writing about Steve Perry's greatness and glorious man-hair is one thing, but watching it in action is an entirely different beast. If you think about it, reading about Steve Perry is the equivalent of trying pot for the first time: it's probably shitty weed, but since it's your first experience and you don't know any better, it's the single greatest high of your life. Watching Steve, however, is like smoking quality weed: the high you get is more like a religious experience. I'm guessing. The extent of my knowledge of marijuana is gleaned entirely from watching Weeds, bumming a drag off a joint from a gay man in Miami, and purchasing a $20 "dime" bag from a man at a gas station who offered me a bite of his donut.

So for the very first video in this series, I present to you...the video equivalent of shitty marijuana. I'm sorry. This is just the audio recording of Steve Perry's tirade after someone in the audience of this particular concert hit him in the head with something. Think of it as the Christian Bale rant of the eighties. But it's still fun to listen to because it sounds like Steve lays the friggin' smack down on that sumbitch.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Fact or Fiction?


Steve Perry is a glorious bastard.

Hell yes Steve Perry is a glorious bastard, and you should be thanking your lucky stars every day that you get to live on the same planet as him. Every time you admire the moon or the stars, Steve Perry could be looking at that exact same scene. Doesn't that just blow your frigging mind? And if you're one of the elite few that's gotten to meet him, then look out. You've already pushed your luck far enough, so be prepared to be struck by lightning or hit by a train or something. It's all gotta even out, boos.

Let's all take a moment out of our sad and pathetic lives to reflect on Steve Perry's awesomeness and the fact that even when he's wearing a red coat and busting out the finger bang, he still looks cooler than you.

P.S. Brett and David are still alive. Their hair looks like shit, though. They got lucky this time.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Public Journey in a Barbershop

A reader emailed me yesterday about his recent experience with Public Journey in a barbershop. I thought it was pretty funny, so I decided to share it here. Man, I wish I were a fly on the wall when this happened...

About a month ago I was in Tim's Barbershop getting my haircut, and it was just me and the barberlady, (which is unusually slow for the place). Normally they have the dozen or two TV's on in there tuned to sports games, but that day the TV's were off and the radio was on (probably because it was slow).

Faithfully comes on, and you know I'm about to make a joke about that Steve Perry and his handsome man hair when the barberlady starts quietly singing the song. And so I think she's just going to sing the few opening lines, but instead she sings the whole song, every word of it, including the whoa-oh-oh-oh's at the end. And I couldn't be all ironic and snarky about it because she was really feelin' it, I mean, downright melancholy as she sang the song.

In honor of the barberlady, let's sing together, shall we?

Whoa-oh-oh-oh

Faithfully!

Whoa-oh-oh-oh

I am yooouuurrrsss

Faithfuleeee!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Don't Make Steve Perry Angry


You wouldn't like him when he's angry. In addition to people talking shit about his mom, the thing Steve hates the most in this world are when so-called Journey fans fail to list Journey or a Journey album on a "favorites" list. It doesn't even have to be an official "favorites" list, like those found on VH1; you could simply be shooting the shit with your friends, or sending out a fun email list to co-workers. But if you're a Journey fan, and don't include Journey on your list, you will anger Steve Perry. Folks, when Steve gets angry, like really angry, you have reason to be afraid. It is literally a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformation. When Steve gets wind of a Journey fan failing to give Journey any sort of respect or mention, he will hunt them down and fuck them up. And not in a sexual way. There have been reports where victims of his wrath have been left blind and their hair transformed into something that Don King would sport. It's not pretty, okay?

I have to confess something to you guys. I am scared. Brett, a good friend of mine, recently posted a "15 Albums" list on Facebook, and he forgot to include to Journey in the 15. This is big-time, serious stuff, people! I am terrified that Steve Perry is going to visit him at some point in the next 24-48 hours and fuck him up (let me repeat: NOT in a sexual way)! I'm also kind of jealous that he'll get to meet Steve Perry, but it's a small amount in comparison to my terror. You could say the ratio of my terror to my jealousy is 90:10. Okay, more like 80:20, but still. I'm more terrified than jealous. If Brett comes out of this with only a Don King hair makeover, he should consider himself lucky. I doubt it, though. I'll keep you guys updated as to whether or not he's still alive.

P.S. He's still alive--for now.
P.P.S. I just realized something else! My friend David forgot to include Journey on his "15 Albums" list, too! Crap. Shit just got real.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Journey: The Rocumentary

A reader recently sent me the link to this YouTube channel of Journey spoofs. While the music video spoofs are funny, what really had me LOL-ing was this mock rocumentary:


What really won me over? The brief flash of a Jonathan Taylor Thomas pinup with the confession,"Steve Perry is my real father." Brings me back to the days when JTT posters were plastered all over my walls and BOP magazines littered my bedroom. Ah, 2006. Okay, okay--it was really 1997. You got me. And the touch of Journey mixed in with said former child star-slash-tween heartthrob? Genius. Although Steve Perry will always be the Lover of Many, Father of NONE, I do wish he really were JTT's father. That would just be...taneriffic ('cause they're both tan, get it?).

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Seen and Heard

Actually I'm cheating with this one, because I neither saw or heard this particular instance of "Public Journey" (which is what I'm officially nicknaming the magical occurrence of randomly hearing Journey music in public places), but it happened and there were pictures. Last week was student move in day at the university where I work, and apparently the university's ensemble band played "Don't Stop Believin'" in the lobby of one of the dorms to welcome the students and get them pumped up for the coming academic year.

This officially makes the university where I work the most awesome university in the USA--perhaps the world even. This even makes it cooler than my alma mater, which I thought could do no wrong. It should be mandatory that every school, whether it's a university or a primary school, have some sort of assembly in the mornings where "Don't Stop Believin'" is played at the end, right before the start of classes, to get the students pumped up. I guarantee you that if this happened, grades and student behavior would improve, drug use would decrease, and bullies would be rendered obsolete because this song has the fuckin' power to improve the human condition and bring people together.

Spread the word, people! Let's start our journey to bring Journey to our schools (see what I did there?).