Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween! Candy! Costumes! Steve Perry!

Ah, Halloween. The one day of the year where it's perfectly acceptable to indulge in our deluded fantasies about being Dick Tracy and beg our neighbors for candy like a bum. In a massive race to see who can come down with Type 2 Diabetes the fastest, we shovel candy, cookies and other Halloween treats by the fistful into our pie-holes, only to experience a stark crash and subsequent sugar coma that we could never hope to replicate on our best days. It's a magical holiday.

Steve Perry is no stranger to Halloween revelry. His costume parties are part of San Francisco legend, notorious for flirting with death and dismemberment. Guests play Bobbing for Apples Without Razor Blades (the first person to bite into a razor-free apple wins!), Russian Roulette, Real Life Minesweeper, and Twister. Winner of the costume contest gets to have sex with Steve at his discretion, and Halloween-themed finger foods and cocktails are bountiful. This guy is also there. It's invitation-only, and the prestige that comes with being personally summoned by Steve Perry outweighs the risk to life and limb. In layman's terms, it's a fucking awesome party.

Now you may be asking yourself, "Who or what is Steve Perry dressing up as this year? I can't really see him as being anything other than his bad ass self." Well, Friend, Steve actually shares that same exact sentiment, which is why he goes as Steve Perry every single year. He even went as Steve Perry when he was a kid because even back then he knew he was hot shit. You see, he doesn't feel the need to play pretend because he is the apex of everything wondrous and cool. Everything else--witches, wizards, princesses, devils, ghosts, every other costume in existence--is just blah. So in honor of Steve Perry and Halloween, I present to you Steve Perry's top 5 Steve Perry costumes:

Pensive Steve Perry--Halloween 1984

Color Block Steve Perry--Halloween 1982

Ironically Grunge Steve Perry--Halloween 1994

Steve Perry in a Woman's Blouse--Halloween 1979

Asian Sleeveless T-Shirt Steve Perry--Halloween 1979

Happy Halloween!

All pictures from here.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Steve Perry Sing-Along!

Does the fact that you weren't there to partake in Steve Perry's sing-along painfully eat away at your soul? And if you were there, I hate you. Not really. But kinda. I don't hate Lara Hartley, though, because she sent me this link. So thanks, Lara.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


In my previous post, I revealed that I would be going out of town, but when I came back, I would have a surprise for the blog. Well, I am back, which means that it's time to hold up my promise. But first, a back story:

Yesterday, I got back from an extended weekend in Pasadena, California, where I was visiting some friends. Since the last time I laid eyes on southern California I was a year old, I wanted to see all the cool, touristy things in L.A., one of which was the Hollywood Walk of Fame. As my friend and I were walking up and down the boulevard, living just to find emotion (see what I did there?) we stumbled across this little gem:

SURPRISE! It's the mother freaking Journey star, peeps! I saw it in the flesh, and photographically documented it for your ocular pleasure! And just so you know I'm for reals and not a lying whore, I also took a picture of me posing with the star.

You'll also notice that in true Journey-dork form, I am rocking the Journey t-shirt I procured back in May. Photographic evidence for the win! Speaking of being honest, I should also disclose that when I say we "stumbled upon" the Journey star, what I really mean is I found its address and obsessively dragged my poor friend up and down the boulevard until we found it. But wait! That's not all! As we were walking through the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum, we came across a display of unused concert tickets from classic rock n' roll acts and guess what I saw?

Word! It was a Jouney-riffic trip to the Hollywood Boulevard, and the only thing that could have made it sweeter was if there were a Steve Perry wax figure at Madame Tussauds. But beggars can't be choosers, am I right or am I right?

Okay, I realize that this "surprise" may be a little anti-climactic, especially since I already uploaded the photo of the Journey star to Twitter while in California. I also realize that all of my "surprises" I've posted on this blog have probably been disappointing and a waste of time, and for that I wish I could I say I am sorry, but I'm really not. Whaddya want from me? Like the "about me" says, I'm just a girl who loves me some Steve Perry and Journey. That's it. I have no magic powers, or a rich and powerful sugar daddy who could grant my every wish. (Although I am taking applications. And when I say, "I am taking applications," I mean I'm taking applications from Mike Rowe or Curtis Stone or Rob Dyrdek. Word up on that.) I do what I can, and if that means dashing your hopes with mediocrity, then so be it. I still saw and touched the Journey star, though, so nanny nanny boo boo.

Edit: I had to add Rob Dyrdek to my list of potential sugar daddies because I'm always talking about how I want to marry him, and as my friend Taylor pointed out, I made the gross mistake of leaving him out. She said that by doing so, I just ruined any chances of Rob Dyrdek stumbling upon my blog and crossing me off of his list of potential sugar daddy recipients. When I said that he probably doesn't make a list, she said that he did because he was like a Sugar Daddy Santa Claus and he will cross me off his list. She said that by reminding me of this mistake and making sure I rectified it, she just saved Rob's and my marriage and that was maid of honor material. I have to agree.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Steve Perry At a Baseball Game

Starting tomorrow, I will be going out of town for a week, and when I come back, I will hopefully have a surprise for the blog. In the meantime, I will post a pic that's been floating around all over the interwebs. You guys have probably seen it by now, but I don't care.

Pictured: Steve Perry enjoying him some San Francisco Giants baseball while talking the ear off of the person next to him who clearly doesn't give a crap and oblivious to the kid on his other side with the creepy hand sticking out of his baseball mitt. First of all, what the fuck is up with that kid's baseball mitt? I know it's a fake hand (if it is indeed a hand), but still, what is the point of owning a mitt with a hand already inside of it? And the hand isn't even in the right way! At first I was creeped out, but the more I fixate on the pointlessness of that getup, the more annoyed I become. I mean, seriously, whose bright idea was it to construct a baseball glove with a hand already inside and inside the wrong way? And who would buy such a thing? Stupid world, I tell ya.

Secondly, the person who Steve is talking to better recognize. Steve is clearly an engaged and active participant in the conversation, and the other person looks like he's thinking, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut yer trap, Ponytail Boy, and let me enjoy my beer and baseball in peace and frigging QUIET!" Does that person know that he is being graced by the one, the only, the GREAT Steve Perry? The man who can give PIOs to the entire United States of America simultaneously while eating a Stouffer's macaroni and cheese frozen dinner?
The man Obama admits to having had a sex dream about without reservation?* That Steve Perry?! That person should be praising God on high that Steve decided to spend a few moments of his precious time on him! Steve could be doing a lot more fun and important things like saving pandas and winning Rubik's Cube contests, but he chose instead to kindly give that person the gift of his company and conversation. And that person doesn't even appreciate it.

Thirdly, what you don't see is that this is actually a picture of Steve being a complete and total badass. Don't believe me? Look at where his seats are. They're okay, but they're not the greatest seats in the stadium. If he wanted to, Steve Perry probably could have gotten a seat in the damn dugout with the team, but he opted out of using his celebrity to get sweet seats and instead chose to watch the game with the rest of the plebes. It's been reported that he even sang along with "Don't Stop Believin'!" Wait, what's that you said? Can you repeat it, please? I can't hear you over the sound of Steve Perry's AWESOMENESS.

*not really

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Steve Perry Video of the Day

Sent to me by a reader, this is another video of Steve getting all crazy on a concert-goer who throws a bottle at Neal Schon and makes contact, causing him to bleed (5:47). Note that this is a different occasion than the one documented in this post. Personally, I think it's sweet how worked-up Steve gets. Very knight-in-shining-armor-meets-Clark-Griswold-meltdown.

Reason #9,548,742 Why Steve Perry is a God Among Men

He literally shits rainbows and children's laughter. And it does smell like roses.

*Image from Something Awful