Monday, November 29, 2010

Crotch Shot of the Day!

Hey, you! How was your Thanksgiving? Did you eat lots of turkey? Go overboard on the pumpkin pie? Drink copious amounts of liquor and do a ton of blow, causing you to pass out in a dumpster ten miles from where you live, where you wake up and realize that your pants are missing and someone named Bessie wrote her phone number on your hand? No? Oh well. There's always next year.

Anyway, I thought, what better way to welcome you back from the holiday weekend than with a picture that showcases Steve Perry's schlong? Consider this my belated Thanksgiving gift to you. You're welcome.

Bonus points for this picture being somewhat in the spirit of the holiday season and showcasing those incredibly loud red pants, which are housing incredibly long Lil' Steve! It looks like Steve is saying to someone off-camera, "Yo. What up? What did you say about my dance? Oh, my pants! Yeah, they're great, aren't they? Check it: on sale at Penney's for $15! Sure, I can't feel anything from the waist down, since the only size they had left was two sizes smaller than what I should wear, but, Jesus, what a deal!"

I don't know how he was able to breathe, or sing, or do anything other than cry out in extreme discomfort in these slacks, but then again, Steve Perry is magical and can pretty much do anything that would make lesser men throw in the towel. Also, his bad ass factor is upped to infinity with the addition of that fly-as-shit white coat. Take a long look, kids. You're staring at sheer perfection.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thanksgiving, Steve Perry-Style

Well, kids, it's that time of year again. I alluded to it in this post. Steve Perry has been prepping for it for the past month. That's right! It's time for the 53rd Annual Perry-riffic Thanksgiving Day Extravaganza!

Now I could describe this event to you in painstaking detail, but I figured you might more clearly get the picture if I just threw up a few videos that let you visually get a feel for what's going down on Thursday.

It starts with a little of this:

Is sprinkled with a little of this:

Mixed with a little of this:

And all of it's heavily covered with a thick layer of this:

Anybody who has ever attended this fiesta has reported as never being so glad that the pilgrims made landfall on our fair soil as they were when they were at that party. So pass the cranberry sauce, load your plate up with turkey, and let's all give thanks for friends, family, discovering new worlds, and Steve Perry. Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Steve Perry Video of the Day

If you've ever found yourself staring at a crappy, run-down building and thought, "Gee, I sure wish Steve Perry would appear to look pensive and provide some background music while I contemplate how this building is symbolic of the fall of mankind," then LOOK NO FURTHER! This music video is for you, brother! Bonus: there are also gratuitous behind-the-scenes shots of Steve Perry's glorious man-hair. You're welcome.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Steve Perry and Journey Reuniting?

There's a rumor going around that Steve Perry asked to rejoin Journey. You can either read the story via the link above, or just read my paraphrase:

Steve Perry: OMG! Can I join Journey again?

Neal Schon: Hells naw, bitch, that ship's done sailed.

As majestic as it would be to have the Journey of yore together again, I call shenanigans. Why? Because Steve Perry is busy enough as it is being way too much of a badass. In addition to battling Jon Bon Jovi, 2010 has seen him rocking the shit out of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, cleaning his house with the help of his woodland friends, and entertaining a bromance with Neal Schon. And that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Currently, he's planning his 53rd Annual Perry-riffic Thanksgiving Day Extravaganza (complete with his very own personal Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!), and he helped a helpless old woman assemble her curio cabinet. So you see, he has way more awesome stuff to do than rejoin a band who peaked in the 80s. But hey, if this turns out to be true, and he does end up fronting Journey again, you know I'll be first in line for tickets.