Friday, June 24, 2016

Steve Perry and the Brexit

In case you've been living under a rock (or maybe you're too busy answering this ad), Britain voted to leave the European Union by a 51.9% vote (against a 48.1% vote in favor of staying). But what you WON'T find in the press (at least not yet) is where--or with whom--the country will go. Britain may be basking in its short-lived independence, but that will be nothing next to the party that will happen when it joins Steve Perry.

For those of you uninitiated n00bs, Steve Perry is his own sovereign country, which means wherever he is living, that piece of land is Steve Perry country--literally. Wherever he travels, he acts as his own embassy. It's even been reported that one time he got captured in North Korea but was able to extradite himself just ten minutes later because technically both an embassy (Steve Perry) and a foreign ambassador (Steve Perry) were captured, and international law requires immediate release in such cases. And because Kim Jong-un is a HUGE Journey fan. In fact, he pleaded for a private concert just before Steve left the country, which Steve granted BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING GENEROUS LIKE THAT.

Anyway, all that is to say that Steve Perry has the power to absorb Britain, which is exactly what he is going to do. In fact, the contract has already been signed, and Nigel Farage and co. are currently getting weird with Steve. In Buckingham Palace. Because the Queen likes to get down like that, too. Just how weird? Think edibles. Oh, yeah. Those kind of edibles. The British may like to act all proper and goody goody, but don't let that fool you. We're talking Blue Dream crumpets. We're talking Kush Breakfast Tea. We're talking mothafuckin' Oracle biscuits because THE BRITISH POUND JUST GOT 1972 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER MR. OLYMPIA-TYPES OF STRONG. All due to the generosity and love of one man:

Look at that truth in his eyes.
Image courtesy of hennemusic,com


Just know that if you have any upcoming trips to Britain, they just got a whole lot sexier. 


Wednesday, June 22, 2016

It's Back? It's Back.

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is a new post. The first of many. After five long years, baby, I want to make it work.

Now you might be asking yourself, why, after all this time, is this blog being resurrected? It's quite simple: since 2011, the world has grown increasingly ridiculous. Sure, there were some shenanigans back then, but now it's like they're on steroids. Donald Trump is a serious contender for the next POTUS. Kids are falling into gat-dayum gorilla pits. I'm watching (and enjoying) professional wrestling. The world is basically Thunder Dome, but with smartphones and computers. And now, more than ever, there is room for Steve Perry's insanity. Besides, I miss him. You miss him (admit it). He left a hole that just can't be filled. So I'm bringing him back to fill your hole. You're welcome.

You know you missed looking into these babies.
Image courtesy of noisecreep.com